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  • Writer's picturerodney baker

The Perfect Valentines Gift for your relationship (P.S its free)

Connections and intimacy are not made in grand gestures, they are made in the daily interactions- in the moments. Valentines day is a day that encourages grand gestures and expensive gifts intended to spark romance. But think about your relationships- Do you feel closer to your partner after receiving a gift or an expensive dinner- or after an impromptu, intimate conversation on the couch?

The closeness and intimacy we feel towards our partners is based on a repetitive acceptance of bids for affection. Drs John and Julie Gottman ( ) have studied couples for three decades. They distinguish what they call “Relationship masters” vs “relationship disasters.” Relationship masters accept bids for connection with each other 83% of the time, While relationship disasters respond to bids 33% of the time. What are bids for connection? It can be a question about your day, a comment about a news article they read, a deep sigh while watching TV- anything that is an attempt for connection:

So while it may not be feasible to continually repeat grand gestures towards each other, these bids for connection can be made and received daily. Look for them in your relationships and accept when your partner makes them. It will last longer than any flowers or chocolate. (definitely still buy chocolate though...)

Rodney is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional with 10+ years experience working with couples of all shapes and sizes. Contact Rodney at 603-892-9777 or at to learn more and schedule your free 15min consultation.

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